Disbelief and Reluctance

Teaching me religion,
you made it your mission
Making me go to church, 
for a hell of a search
So much to learn now, 
so I can say my vow
If I don’t prove worthy, 
would you break up with me?
I put on my forehead his ashes, 
than sat on these benches
I opened up my eyes 
and tried to answer these whys
I even went on my own,
tried to enter his zone
I just wanted to see, 
where you find that beauty
Your faith is just so strong,
I must have something wrong.
I like the atmosphere, 
when I leave my chest is clear
But I feel like I’m just pretending,
that this is my thing
Am I searching for a family, 
bigger than my parents, my brothers and me?
Am I trying to find the truth, 
at the pick of my youth?
But I’m against their teaching, 
can’t believe in a priest when I’m doubting
Our society has evolved, 
church made no army dissolved
Instead it created murderers,
the one who abort their future daughters
They just call me a sinner, 
I can’t keep my legs closed until the alter.
I don’t want to be a saint, 
find it boring I’d rather faint
I wear a cross around my neck, 
it strangles me what the heck
Am I trying to belong, 
or am I just headstrong?
I can’t fall asleep next to a rosary, 
I’m very sorry Mary
I just need to step back, 
so I don’t completely loose track

2 thoughts on “Disbelief and Reluctance

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