Disbelief and Reluctance

Teaching me religion,
you made it your mission

Making me go to church, 
for a hell of a search

So much to learn now, 
so I can say my vow

If I don’t prove worthy, 
would you break up with me?

I put on my forehead his ashes, 
than sat on these benches

I opened up my eyes 
and tried to answer these whys

I even went on my own,
 tried to enter his zone

I just wanted to see, 
where you find that beauty

Your faith is just so strong,
 I must have something wrong.

I like the atmosphere, 
when I leave my chest is clear

But I feel like I’m just pretending,
 that this is my thing

Am I searching for a family, 
bigger than my parents, my brothers and me?

Am I trying to find the truth, 
at the pick of my youth?

But I’m against their teaching, 
can’t believe in a priest when I’m doubting

Our society has evolved, 
church made no army dissolved

Instead it created murderers,
 the one who abort their future daughters

They just call me a sinner, 
I can’t keep my legs closed until the alter.

I don’t want to be a saint, 
find it boring I’d rather faint

I wear a cross around my neck, 
it strangles me what the heck

Am I trying to belong, 
or am I just headstrong?

I can’t fall asleep next to a rosary, 
I’m very sorry Mary

I just need to step back, 
so I don’t completely loose track