Disbelief and Reluctance

Teaching me religion, you made it your mission

Making me go to church, for a hell of a search

So much to learn now, so I can say my vow

If I don’t prove worthy, would you break up with me?

I put on my forehead his ashes, than sat on these benches

I opened up my eyes and tried to answer these whys

I even went on my own, tried to enter his zone

I just wanted to see, where you find that beauty

Your faith is just so strong, I must have something wrong.

I like the atmosphere, when I leave my chest is clear

But I feel like I’m just pretending, that this is my thing

Am I searching for a family, bigger than my parents, my brothers and me?

Am I trying to find the truth, at the pick of my youth?

But I’m against their teaching, can’t believe in a priest when I’m doubting

Our society has evolved, church made no army dissolved

Instead it created murderers, the one who abort their future daughters

They just call me a sinner, I can’t keep my legs closed until the alter.

I don’t want to be a saint, find it boring I’d rather faint

I wear a cross around my neck, it strangles me what the heck

Am I trying to belong, or am I just headstrong?

I can’t fall asleep next to a rosary, I’m very sorry Mary

I just need to step back, so I don’t completely loose track